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Allie’s Game

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I have to admit that I’ve been letting this story cook for a while. I just wasn’t sure if I could do it justice because, unless you know my husband & my youngest daughter, the telling-especially in print- might not achieve this anecdote’s maximum potential for funny.

So, let’s assume that you are familiar with my husband, Mr. Modesty, who usually masquerades as Mr. Nothing-Ruffles-My-Feathers. He’s an incredible father to two of the prissiest, bossiest, nosiest little girls (nothing but a great big shoulder shrug here as to how they acquired these less-comely of the feminine traits) who love to make him raise his eyebrows. Clif does anything and everything with the girls; he’s a good listener and he is great at pretending and playing with them. I never gave Clif’s modesty a second thought until one day, a few years ago, when he embarrassedly told me that he had stepped out of the shower when Nora Ruth caught a glimpse of him hastily pulling up his boxers and wanted to know why he had a “tail”.

Alliene, my three year old, is all of the things I described above and much more. We love her spunk and her wiliness; she is always up to something and trying to size us up to see just how far we will go to stand in her way. She is also tender hearted, loving, and so ardent about doing things that make her more independent, a “big girl”. Lately, her game of choice has been “Baby and Mama” in which she models all of the behaviors that she sees me doing with her baby brother. She carries her baby around in the Bjorn and in the stroller, she coos and talks and reads to her baby, she puts the baby to bed & changes her diaper, but what makes us all roll our eyes and giggle is when she plops on the sofa, pulls up her shirt, pinches a roll of skin over one of her ribs and announces, “Now I am gonna feed my baby…wif my boobies!”  Alliene has a little voice, but its deep and each word that she says is its own pronouncement, punctuated with an  “!” to convince you of its importance and her own conviction.

A few nights ago Clif crept into the kitchen from the direction of the girls’ room, head back, eyes wide, mouth agape and asked me, “Do you think Alliene is alright? I mean, do you think this baby-game-thing is, umm, normal?” I chuckled because I knew immediately to which part of the game he was referring and I probably told him to stop being such a prude and to grow up.  But with the eyes of a deer caught in headlights, he proceeded to reconstruct the following conversation:

Alliene: “Daddy, let’s play baby and mama and you can be the baby and I can be the mama.”

[Clif and I usually take this opportunity to propose that the “baby” should be put down for a nap, covered up with a blanket, read a story, and allowed some quiet time. No kidding, I have actually had a power nap during several of these games. It is not a bad game as far as pretending goes.]

Alliene: “Now, you! lay! in! my! lap! and drink! from! my! boobies!”

Clif: “No, Allie! [Notice he breaks character for a second but he’s still in the game. Also, this should be read in the same way that it was told to me, with a generous helping of desperation.] I’m a big baby! Feed me with a spoon!”

Alliene: “Okay, baby, here!” [cupping her hands and holds them out to her big baby]

Clif: “Thanks. What is it?”

Alliene: “It’s milk! from! my! boobies!”

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You have to admire her determination and that primordial instinct for how to get under Daddy’s skin, two qualities that will turn us both gray prematurely and keep us laughing for the rest of our lives.

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7 thoughts on “Allie’s Game

  1. Becky, you need to write a book…I have been enjoying these stories so much…Being a parent is just full of memorable moments…Tell Cliff to hang in there, much more to come with girls..Love to all

    • Clif is in for a wild ride, isn’t he?! (I guess we both are, really, but I love watching him react almost as much as I love watching the kids!)

  2. I loved this story!!! Last Christmas one of the kids at school was laying on a playground bench and screaming loudly. When her teacher ask her what was wrong she grabbed her stomach, groaned and told the teacher that her stomach hurt, ‘bad’. Again she let out a huge scream and the teacher yelled to get Ms Susie. I ran out on the playground just in time to see the little girl (Abby Huckaby) grab her stomach and scream. I knelt down (with my heart in my throat) beside the bench and said, “Abby, Abby, what is wrong!” between moans she replied, “I am having baby Jesus!”

    • That is hysterical!! love that little girl- she gets that from her momma and her Aunt Helen, I’m sure.

  3. This is one of the funniest things I have read in a long time. I retold the story to Drew. We had a really good laugh about NR and the “tail’. Too funny!!

    • Just wait until you are trying to remember all of the crazy things Lounora says…you need a book that Katie Rose put me on to called “Mom’s One Line a Day”…I ordered mine from Amazon. love to all of the harrises!

  4. Pingback: Confessions of a Bookworm | looking for hogeye

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